Page #2 My Ramblings

03/09 2:31am So, yeah... I think I'm becoming an insomniac cuz I can't seem to sleep at night and when I do, it's not exactly restful sleep. I'm so exhausted right now... but I just can't sleep. Isn't that healthy? I only have to go to three-ish classes next week, so maybe, just maybe, I'll get to sleep in and actually get to sleep. I'll be back in Troy in 13 days. So I know I'm gonna go see Dave one night, and then maybe, no guarantees on anything, I might get out to U of M. Hmmm... Other than my not preparing for finals, what else will I tell you all? If it hasn't been obvious from the last entry and certain away messages, I've been kind of, well, really depressed the last week and a half, two weeks. I don't know why, but I have a couple of thoughts, which I won't share cuz they're quite personal, and I'm not sure that knowing what's causing it is actually going to make me feel less depressed. I'm really hoping my 8 day vacation will be enough, cuz I don't like being depressed. Hmmm....trying to think of something happy to tell you... trying... trying.... well, at this moment in time, nothing but the bad things are coming... (I know, I know, that's not a good sign, but, like I said, I've been depressed and I'm working on it). Jill, if you see this, you and I should get together while I'm back, we'll go for coffee or something, catch up. Oh, I know what I can tell you... (the actual reason I decided I was going to write an entry). And now I've been distracted and I've lost it. If it occurs to me again, I'll let you all know. Next time.

03/06 4:33pm It's really been a long time now, but I've been busy. In fact, I'm still busy (supposed to be writing a paper now, but that's not really happening). Next week is reading week, so that means less class than normal (there's about 3, maybe, that I'll go to all week). God, I'm so frustrated right now.... I just want to be able to sleep, in my own bed, deeply, and restfully, but no.... that won't happen for me.... it's very unfair. I'd complain to management if I knew who management was. 16 days til I'm out of this dorm room though, for a whole 8 days.... I never appreciated living in a house so much until I had to live in this 12x15 prison cell. God, I so need a break from all this.... I just wanna be.... can't I go back to like last summer? I didn't have any responsibilities then, movies and hanging out.... bad horror marathons... that's what life is supposed to be about.... not all this "work". I'm sorry, I must be depressing people, I know I'm depressing myself, I'll stop now. Try and think happy thoughts and write my frickin' paper... I'll write more some other time. bye.

02/10 7:09pm So yeah, I apologize, I know how few people actually care what I'm saying here, but to those that do, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written. Finally finished with this set of midterms (yes, I realize it sounds weird to say "this set of midterms" but that's the way it works on the quarter system). People are coming to visit me in like a week and a half, yay! I like visitors.... especially visitors who bring me presents... but that's not necessary, really. unless you wanna let me guilt you into something.... But I'll stop there and leave you to ponder that one on your own. Hmmm.... what do I really need to catch people up on? I don't quite know, but I'm gonna ramble for awhile tonight cuz I'm already done with the work I have to do for tomorrow and actually earlier in the evening I was working on the stuff due on Friday, so yeah, too much free time. Oh, I've decided it's officially time to start the birthday countdown. 29 days until I'm 19.... (that translates to March 11, for those of you who don't know and/or share my birthday). And you may ask, why am I making a big deal of 19 when it's really nothing special and I didn't make a very big deal of 18? And the answer is, I don't know, I just am, so go with it, okay? What else.... hmmm.... well, this isn't all that interesting, but I attempted to play racquetball for the first time last night. yeah.... it's a good thing I can laugh at myself, cuz I'm pretty bad....but I did beat the odds and was not unintentionally hit in the head, so that's a plus. Hmmm..... what else, what else.... I very much so like being in the loop, so if something vaguely interesting happens to you or someone I might conceivably care about, please pass the info on... All right, I think that's enough rambling for now. Adios.

01/23 4:48pm Wow. It's been quite the week, as I'm sure many of you already know. I have my first midterm of this quarter on Tuesday, aren't I ever so lucky? but yeah, I have an easy schedule this quarter, so I really can't complain so much. Well, I can, but I'm not really justified in doing so.... My two large intro classes are kind of boring, but they should be really easy, so I'm not gonna complain too much about 'em. What else do I want to share with everyone? Hmmm.... I still owe Jamie and Ed emails, which I will get to as soon as I can (Gena got hers today, so I'm not a complete slacker). But they understand I'm sure. I need to talk to Stacey one of these days, and I don't know quite when that'll happen, cuz we're both kind of living different schedules, but it'll happen one of these days I'm sure. Oh, I think I'm just gonna end up back in Troy for Spring Break, so if you'll be around or you want me to come visit you where you'll be, send me an email or an IM and we'll find some way to get together. (Jason, Ed, is march 22-whenever a transition week for you guys?) Ummm.... what else... what else... I don't actually quite know right now, so I'll just write more later, kay? All right, I'm off to go pretend to be productive for a while, I'll talk to you all later! *MUAH!* Bye.

01/14 4:02pm Why am I so tired today? I got plenty of sleep last night and I got to sleep in past so many other people today, I just don't get it... Haha... my class schedule is so nice and easy, I only have to go somewhere 12 times a week. It's the second week of school, is it really a bad thing that I don't ever really wanna go to my afternoon classes? I think I need to do better next quarter and make it so I don't have classes randomly in the afternoon like that... We'll just have to wait and see how it works out though... Hehe... it's funny how I get more homework from my friends than I do from most of my classes... To Do List: Personality Names for Ed, What is Crazy? for Jamie, and Sorority Rush for Gena... I'll get to it as soon as possible, I promise. All right, I know I should have so much more to write, but I'm not going to now, I'm going to be responsible and finish my art history reading... I'll write more soon though, I promise.

01/09 7:37pm Wow, look at me, I was being responsible. I did my math homework a WHOLE DAY before the day before it's due. That's impressive. I think I'm gonna start workin' on the stuff I need to have done for Monday... And then tomorrow I'm going to work out in the morning, now that's impressive... Can anyone explain to me why it seems like I have so much free time right now? I mean I'm taking the same number of classes as last quarter... Oh, well. I'm not going to complain. Rush parties and such start tomorrow night, it's gonna be... interesting.... hopefully.

01/06 4:03pm (I'm sorry Jamie, it's central time and that's all you're gonna get while I'm here) So I'm back at NU. Classes started today, what a hassle it was trying to switch though, stupid art history department, doesn't know what it's doing... But anyways, I'm glad to be back. I missed people. I didn't however, miss going to class. But that's okay, I have a nice schedule. 10am one day, 11am two days, noon one day, 2pm the last day. Hmmm.. what else to tell? Rush week starts tonight, that should be interesting, we'll see how things go, whether or not I'll actually pledge and all. We'll see how the like info meeting goes tonight. All right, dinner's in like half an hour, cuz I've been killing time talkin' to people. Hmmm... so much for takin' a nap or doing something productive... All right, I'll probably write more later, we'll see what ends up happening...

01/03 10:37e/9:37c/8:37m (You just had to go skiing, didn't you?) Well, happy new year everyone who actually reads what I write. (I know there are some of you out there) I go back to school in two days, and then it all just goes back to central time, sorry Jamie, we're not confused, we just live that way. Hmmm.... it was an interesting time being home, from attempts at family closeness to getting yelled at for being on the phone at 3am at home and from failed attempts at making me watch Star Trek to midnight confessions and counseling. I love knowing everything, and hey, just cuz I won't be in the same state as most of you doesn't mean I still don't wanna be the leader of the loop, okay? What else do I want to say right now? Hmmm.... actually, maybe that's enough for tonight, I do have a phone call to make not too long from now... I'll write more once I'm back at school. Adios!

12/25 11:22e/10:22c (To make everyone happy) Merry Christmas all! Trust you're doing well. Jason, I hope you're enjoying your fluke white Christmas to the best of your ability. Make a snowman, kay? Just like snowballs except bigger and hopefully a little rounder than the ones I've seen you make. (I'm kidding, you know I'm kidding..... Please don't freeze snow and bring it back with you so you can throw Oklahoma snowballs at me....) For those of you who might also appreciate it, I got a white Christmas too, only like 2.5 inches, but still enough to cover and enough that you have to shovel. Hmmm... I haven't written/updated in a while and for that I apologize. (Gena, remember you still need me, so you can't hurt me for no new life-defining quotes!) But the whole back-in-Troy thing really changes my life, you know? No longer am I ethernet-connected. I'm back to the 56K. (Laugh, go ahead, I know you want to). No more cable TV either... I miss The Daily Show.... Jon Stewart... come back! (okay, I'm sure I scared some people with tha one or made them wonder a little bit, if you're one of them, do you really not know me that well? Come on now....) Moving on then... what else to report? I'm back to hanging out with the boys again.... not that that's really a surprise to anyone so much (I love how they do things for me and people say chivalry is dead....) I still need to finish my Christmas shopping (how sad is that?) but I have some time for the rest of the stuff I need. After Christmas deals and what not, it's all good. I need nail polish too, hmmm... you would think that, with all the stuff I brought home, I would have everything I need, but nope, I need nail polish and the color I need is back in the top of my closet in the dorm room at school. (And once again, I know some of you are laughing, but yes, it is a necesity. Just like all my shoes) I'm workin' again for about 2, maybe 3, more days before New Year's, so come visit me if you can, I like visitors.... I know I work tomorrow, so you can come then! (How convienent...) All right, I'll talk to and see you eventually. It's probably about time I stop rambling for tonight. Merry Christmas once again! *Muah!* (And no, that's a kiss, not the beginning of an evil laugh...)

12/07 5:36pm Yes, I realize I'm supposed to be working, but i'm taking a quick break, it is allowed. So the question of the day seems to be truth and when lying is acceptable. (It's just wierd cuz you wouldn't think days would have themes like that.) Apparently they do though... Yeah, why didn't someone tell me that I had this much to do at the beginning of reading week? Cuz it would have been so much nicer if I had done more in advance, but yeah, anyways... I'll be back in Troy next friday (today's saturday). XX, do you still wanna make that trip we briefly discussed or have you totally forgotten? Ummm... I'm working on some things, not school-related, but important, if you've posed a question/issue for me to deal with, i'm working on it. I'll have answers as soon as I can find a way... Wow, I'm really being cryptic. That's okay, if you're supposed to know what i'm talking about, i think you're smart enough to make the connections. Yeah, back to other things, hmmm.... jason's mean cuz of the teddy graham thing, but i'm not gonna dwell cuz ed still owes me m&ms and animal crackers (you didn't think i'd forgotten, did you?) so i'll get those when i get back. I really kind of want some good homemade peanut butter cookies, that sounds so yummy right now... Well, I'll be responsible and go back to work for a little before dinner, I'll talk to ya'll later, adios. (gotta love the combination of the southern and the spanish....)

12/02 11:36pm Hmmm... I don't know what's bothering me right now... I wish I did, it's just one of those like depression hits you at the oddest times... I really wish I knew what was wrong with me sometimes. I think I'm bipolar, at least slightly. It can't be healthy, I know that, but I really don't know what to do about it. And no, it's not people, it's not work, it's just, I don't know... I'm just not feeling happy right at the moment. I wish I knew how to make myself feel better. I've never been very good at that. Hmmm... and it's kind of bad that I don't know who the person who can automatically make me feel better is anymore, if i ever really had one in the first place. All right, I'm gonna stop depressing everyone else. I'll work for a little longer and then probably just go to bed. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning. Hmmm.... I don't know what I want from people right now, so there's really no point in me saying all this. All right, now i'm really done.

11/30 10:13pm I'm back at NU again after spending about 3 days in Troy. It was kind of surreal being back there. Some people haven't changed in the slightest, it was really like going back in time 3.5 months ago. It reaffirmed how much I love certain people though (I don't think I should say names cuz I don't wanna hurt some people). Other things have changed though and some of the people I thought the distance wouldn't matter with aren't what i thought they would be. Hmmm... wow, that's kind of depressing once you read it over again. I didn't mean for it to sound that way I don't think, but maybe I did. I don't know. The whole trip was just kind of surreal. But what did I expect after not seeing any of these people, my family included, for 2.5 months? Ummm.... I ate way too much and I feel fat now, so I'm gonna watch that now. I don't know what else to say right now. Maybe I'll work on a paper for a little bit, watch some old movies... "It Could Happen To You" is on, that's kind of a cute movie.... I think I'll watch that, maybe go to bed early tonight, catch up on some sleep. I'll talk to you all later, adios.

11/24 7:37pm So yeah, i'm taking another quick break from doing work. But everything that has to will get done tonight and maybe I'll get to bed early. So I saw my first NU football game yesterday, it would've been great if we could manage to score when we're within the 10 yard line on a first down, but what do you expect from the academic school? I'll be back in Michigan on Wednesday night, that'll be interesting. It'll be cool and strange all at the same time to see everyone again. Hey, is chem group doing secret santa again? Has anyone thought about it? It's not urgent, but it'd be nice to know. Ummm.... what else do I want to say? Stacey, you and I so gotta get together for storytime.... I think people need to listen to "For You" by Duncan Sheik, it's slow and sweet, but I think people will like it. I have lots of good music to share, but apparently, I have some sort of limit as to the space of the songs I can upload, so I think I'm gonna have to start a rotation or something like that. Just let me know if you wanna get together over the short thanksgiving break, I'll do my best to make time for you. Arg, I have a cold, so every now and then my heart starts beating really fast, it's probably not very healthy but i'm not going to do anything about it so much (i'm rather lazy that way). All right, I'll be responsible and go back to work for awhile, I'll talk to everyone later, adios.

11/19 8:42am Yes, I should probably be reviewing still for math since I didn't do all that much last night... or the night before for that matter.... But don't worry, I'll be fine. I have an hour between myth and math, I can learn it all then. So I know I haven't kept up, but it's been a busy week. A good week mind you, but a busy one. Hehe... I don't know how much we're actually going to say here, but if you know what I'm talking about, then you know what I'm talking about. Ummm Thanksgiving is really soon, if I promised to do something with you, will you tell me? I think I may have promised to do more than humanly possible in like three days. I know Thursday and Friday night are spoken for, but the other times are still vaguely up for grabs, (I can sleep during Christmas break, that's only two weeks after Thanksgiving...) All right, hehe.... Stacey Miller, you and I so gots to talk, I need your perspective on something.... Jenny? I haven't really heard from you in a couple of days, things okay? Jillz, you have fun and be careful whatever you decide to do. All right, I'll stop for now, go back to getting ready for class and studying. Luv ya! *MUAH!*

11/12 11:23pm Hello, people! How are we tonight? Good? You are if you were watching MTV and reading Glamour tonight.... I know I am. Today was a pretty good day. I made it to Myth and my adviser meeting. Then I ran into Emily who I haven't seen since like New Student Week. I totally love her, I'd forgotten that. (Dave, if you're a good boy and you come visit me, I'll introduce you to her, you'd like her a lot). Then my math quiz was really easy, so that was a bonus. I ran into Will again in the hallway on my way to lunch and my freshman seminar. And we compared notes on how are days were going since we had talked last night. During my fresh sem, I got a nice little nap in during the slides (hey, I wasn't the only one and at least I don't do embarrassing things while I sleep). Then it was slackin' and homework. Haha, you know if I did my work right away, I could go to bed early, that just doesn't happen. Hehe... Oh, I'm gonna mention the freaky thing that happened at like 3am this morning and then I'll stop. Marta (my roommate for those of you who don't know) woke up from a nightmare and it must have been really bad, cuz like 3 seconds before she said my name, i woke up all on my own, like I could sense something was wrong. It was kind of freaky.

11/10-11/02 12:51am Okay, so I wasn't productive at all tonight when it comes to homework, but I had a lot of good conversations with people and aren't social skills more important that schoolwork? I think so... Heehee....Dave, it was funny watching you type, I'm sorry, but it really was, and know, even though i love you, I was still playing the game of imagining dialogue you could possibly be saying at the time, i don't care if there was no one else in the room. Gena! You'll be all right, don't you worry, I know these things. Ask around when i say that, it comes true. Jill, i think you should spend more time on the homework than escape plans, but maybe that's just me and i have a valid one.... Xing! I'll totally email you soon, we should catch up and what not. (And you gotta love how I picked up from John only calling ya Xing, instead of Xing Xing which i'd done for like 3 whole years prior). All right, I'm gonna go to bed now, be up at 6 to do all the work i should have done earlier. LUV YA ALL! Night!